


alla prima

by pilynator



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 'you' fic, Anxiety, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied abuse, Other, but s o f t, gentle v here to soothe your brain, s o f t, they're thriving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 03:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15330954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pilynator/pseuds/pilynator
Summary: MC worries a lot and Jihyun knows just the thing to help with that.Day 1:watercolour||carnivalfor Jihyun x MC Week 2018





	alla prima

**Author's Note:**

> Don't mind me, just moving some things over from before I set up this account. I'll try and space them out so they don't flood the tags lmao.
> 
> This was done for Jihyun x MC Week back in...April? I think.

It’s a lazy Sunday, sluggish even, and you find yourself sprawled on the sofa, absentmindedly watching Jihyun fiddle with some folders. Your mind is currently looking for something interesting to latch on to in absence of any pressing concerns, the book in your lap having been abandoned a while ago. From the far end of the room you can hear the distant hum of the city drifting in through the walls. There’s an odd quality to it. Between the thick material of the curtains and the height of the apartment building, you might as well be submerged with how muffled everything feels. The air simply has that weird Sunday texture, a molasses-thick consistency that slows time down to a crawl.

_Not a bad feeling at all_ , you think to yourself. You wonder briefly if Jihyun had noticed it, this odd tilt to the world. Like time and space and all the connective tissue of the universe is slightly out of sync with itself. Out of the corner of your eye you notice a flash of mint sway slightly in the breeze and you feel something warm bubble up in your chest as you watch your boyfriend methodically sort through his sketches. His back is leaning against your legs and if you let your fingers drift just a  _tiny bit down_ …

The song he’s been humming dies in his throat and there’s a moment where he stiffens underneath your touch, shoulders suddenly tense and curled inwards. You feel a sort of directionless panic overtake you as well ( _oh no I should have let him know is he ok is he ok is he ok_ ) and you freeze, waiting for his next reaction. Fortunately, it passes as quickly as it came. He loosens up again with one fluid sigh and you can feel the motion under the tips of your fingers as he twists his torso around to face you with a smile.

‘Hey,’ he says, leaning in to get a good look at you. His hair has been getting longer again, sticking out at odd angles where the length is more uncertain. You run your fingers tentatively through it, enjoying the softness, and Jihyun makes a small appreciative noise in the back of his throat.

‘Hey,’ you reply. Then, slowly, with a slight whine, ‘I’m booored. Let’s do something fun.’

‘Something fun…Like bungee jumping? Or, better yet, sky diving?’ he suggests slyly, and you pause the hair petting to lightly jab a finger against his forehead.

‘Absolutely not. Not after the last time. I was thinking something more, uh, low key than that.’

He laughs breezily and grabs your wrist, gently pulling it up to the side of his face to plant a kiss on it.

‘Sure. I should probably take a break anyway. What did you have in mind?’

You take the chance to cup the side of his face and he nuzzles your palm, looking up expectantly, eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. Every inch of him looks at ease, the tension from before having completely left him. The sight is enough to bring the fluttering blaze inside your chest back to life. You want to let him know how happy it makes you to see him like this, how proud you are of him. Here, with the sun cutting a sharp line across his shoulder blades and the droning hum of the radio in the kitchen, Mint Eye feels light years away. Distant, cold and outgrown. You’re both safe and free and happy and  _out of there._ That succession of ideas feels good and you let your mind turn it around, like an interesting piece of glass catching the light.  _Out of there_. There’s something monumental hiding in those words, an encompassing freedom perhaps.

It is at this point, of course, that your mind decides to give an involuntary lurch sideways and you find yourself trying to quiet a growing riptide of anxious chatter.  _If I had been slightly less observant. Played along. Trusted more. Drank what they gave me. Listened to her._ The thoughts swirl in and out in a panicky cacophony. It’s not clear what you are afraid of, but there’s a lot if it and coming up fast, whatever it is. You try and pick out the underlying feeling underneath it and grip a smidgen harder at the back of Jihyun’s head to ground yourself. You’re used to this by now, the occasional circling thoughts and reminders that you had made some incredibly reckless choices to get where you are, but that doesn’t make it anymore pleasant to deal with.

Jihyun has noticed the change in your expression, he must have, because he stops smiling. There’s a concerned tilt to his head now and slight guilt joins in with the rest of half-baked emotions in the pit of your stomach.  _Ah, great, now I’ve made him worry over nothing._

‘Are you okay?’

The concern has made its way into his voice and you try to give him a reassuring smile back. You’re not sure if it worked or not, but concentrating on moving your body the right way helps ease the oppressive weight of your thoughts.

‘Ah, I’m…’ you start. Then stop. You were about to say  _I’m fine_  but that seemed like a lie too big to hold inside your skin. Besides, it would only make him worry more. Jihyun had an almost supernatural ability to pick up on even the slightest hints of discomfort in people. You try very hard not to think about how he might have acquired that skill.

‘Somewhat. Somewhat okay.’

Saying it out loud does help, a little. Talking seems to touch on the edges of your frayed consciousness, makes the fear take a more familiar shape. Somewhat okay, but not perfect. It was the sudden realisation that things had been a hair’s breadth away from irreversibly breaking down. Somewhat safe. A couple of different choices and it might have been him in that explosion. Or you in the dungeons. Or the RFA in the Believer robes. Somewhat okay, but not entirely.

Jihyun doesn’t say anything. His eyes have lost the playful edge from before, but not the warmth, and his hand is now on top of yours. You make an effort to still the erratic pace of your heart before continuing.

‘My thoughts just got away from me, you know how it is. Wondering about what I might have done better. Or worse.’ The more you talk, the easier it is to breathe. You let yourself slide down the length of the sofa with an unceremonious grunt and let the last strands of fear slip out of your body along the way.

His eyes scan your features for a couple of seconds until he looks pleased with what he sees, then moves around until he can let the side of his forehead bump lightly against your shoulder.

‘You’ve come to the expert, then. I might know a thing or two about that.’

His tone is light again and you make a weak sort of half-sigh, half-laugh sound in return.

‘Yeah, I guess you’re right.’

‘Do you want to go for a walk? It usually helps me clear my mind.’

You test the idea, imaging yourself out on the streets, and find you can’t really muster up the energy for that. Or anything. The lazy feeling from before has made way for an exhausted emptiness.

‘Nah,’ you shake your head slightly. ‘I meant it when I said I wanted to do something inside. It’s our lazy day in, I want to keep it that way.’

Jihyun gives your hand an understanding squeeze.

‘Okay. Let me know when you feel better.’

The room feels less suffocating now and you let the silence stretch out comfortably between the two of you. He’s still watching you carefully, checking in for signs of distress. Somewhere on the periphery of awareness the radio station starts playing a different tune and the two of you start humming along at the same time. It’s a good song, some party anthem or the other. You can feel the vibrations in your arm, the roughness of the couch underneath you, the slight breeze drifting in from the window. The combined pull of sensations helps to bring you back in the moment and by this point you’ve managed to bring your heart rate down to an acceptable level. You feel almost normal, if a bit disoriented.

‘Better?’ His voice is soft and you realise the same warmth from before is once again nestled in your rib cage. It swells up when you breathe in and trickles down your limbs when you exhale, like a membrane.

‘Yeah,’ you say. And then, ‘I love you.’

You blurted it out without thinking too much, but it feels right when you listen to it settle in the space between you. And now It’s your turn to watch him closely, notice the slight pause, the way he fights the urge to denydeny _deny_   _no not me I don’t deserve_  until it’s gone, pushed away by practice and shaky confidence. He rushes back in towards you as fast as he had pulled back, like the tide, and smiles brightly.

‘I love you too. Thank you for being honest with me back there.’

His eyes dip slightly to the right, grazing over his neatly ordered piles of sketches, before coming back up to meet yours, looking like he’s decided on something.

‘I was thinking I could show you something? Something I’m quite fond of. If you’re still up for something fun, of course.’

And how could you ever say no to that?

‘Sure!’ you say, and he seems pleased to see a bit more verve in your voice. ‘What did you have in mind?’

‘Well,’ he hesitates for a moment, seemingly looking for the right words. His tone is slightly more cautious when he continues.

‘A while back I asked you what you preferred to use when making art, remember? You said pastels.’

Ah. That explains the pause. You remembered, yes. The days you had spent in the cabin are burned into your head with distressing clarity. It’s like someone took a blowtorch to your brain and relentlessly ate away at any uncertainty and patina that might have clouded the memories. You remembered the texts well enough. And everything else.

Jihyun’s eyes are still locked on you, waiting for a sign that he should stop, but you feel nothing except curiosity, the earlier emotional turbulence all but forgotten. You give him a broad smile, urging him on.

‘Yeah, I remember.’

He returns the smile. When he opens his mouth again, his voice is excited, and he talks faster. You recognize the tempo. His voice gets like this whenever he finds something interesting. A new artist, a cute café, a funny shaped vegetable. You feel a wave of affection wash over you as you wait patiently to see where he’s going with this.

‘Well, have you ever used watercolours? You only mentioned pastels back then, and I know you sketch, but I’ve never heard you mention anything else. I’m just getting into it myself. I was thinking we could try it out together?’

He looks so happy you can’t bring yourself to point out you’re not quite on the same level of skill. For all his hesitance and occasional flare ups of self-doubt, Jihyun had a better eye and hand for this than you could ever hope to achieve. You wouldn’t so much be trying it out as you would be flailing along while he actually practiced. Still, it was a good suggestion. Just the kind of thing to get you out of your head and back into the world.

‘Sure. Let me just sketch something real quick and we can colour together.’

‘No need for that.’

‘Oh?’

That was strange. You probed further.

‘You want us to freehand?’

‘Mhm. It’s just something I’ve been toying with lately. Freehand and wet-on-wet.’

You knew what that meant, but the thought of going in with no structure made you feel small again. The beginning of an excuse formed in your head and was then promptly discarded. There was some reason why he’d thought of this, some kind of invisible connecting thread you couldn’t quite parse out for now, and there was no point in letting self-consciousness ruin the moment.

‘Isn’t wet-on-wet a bit too much for a first attempt? I mean, I’ve never even tried watercolours before. It’s going to be pretty hard to control.’

‘I’ve been toying with that too,’ he says and his smile loses a fraction of warmth. There’s something melancholy peeking through now. ‘Not worrying about control, letting the colours go where they want to be.’ His eyes cloud over with something inscrutable for a moment. ‘Working around mistakes. That kind of thing.’

You feel your throat constrict around his words, your mouth drying up in an instant. The shapeless, amorphous mass of anxiety is filling up your lungs again and you’re teetering on the edge of  ** _something_  **right when Jihyun finds your eyes and locks in.

‘The effect is quite beautiful when you’re done with it. Soft and dreamy. I think it would suit you,’ he finishes shyly and you remember how to breathe again. How could you say no to that? To any of that. You nudge him slightly as you move to stand up. Slowly, agonisingly so, you stretch out and relish the feeling of your bones and sinews and thoughts popping back into place with the movement.

‘Show me how.’


End file.
